Duck Duck Cougar?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
