I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
