Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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