Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
one might say we're banned from that church
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
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The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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