Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
