when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
