did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
