Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
