everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
