A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
