Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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