I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
