how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
