ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
