Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
