I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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