So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
