I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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