And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
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Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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