Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
