She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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