you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
