About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
