sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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