Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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