Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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