my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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