i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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