The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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