I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
