who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
