There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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