Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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