I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
