Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
