the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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