I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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