Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
