My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I supernannyed him into submission
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
