dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
