he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
