I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
