theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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