I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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