Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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