My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
