I could make wine with my vomit
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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