If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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