Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
