your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
