Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
