Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
