i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
