She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
