You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
