i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Randomize
