he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
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Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
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