come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
