She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
