You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
my poor anus
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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