Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
