everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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