How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
