Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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