I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
