I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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