Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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