Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
