If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
