Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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