You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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